literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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