so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
