Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
