Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
