Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
