The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
