Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sorry about my life...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
