if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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