When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You need Xanax blowdarts
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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