I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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