In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
