Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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