There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
