I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dignity is for republicans.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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