found the other keg... it's in the tree
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
