You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
sex in a hospital.. check
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
