I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
