apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
