went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
