I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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