btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
