Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
