I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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