tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
