and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
