I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
this is an emotional support booty call
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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