She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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