Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
