I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
