So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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