this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
