Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
