We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
