Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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