like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
