Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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