My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
