your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
