ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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