A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
