Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
