In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
3 2 1 whiskey
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
