I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
