a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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