pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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