so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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