So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
