Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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