Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
