you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
