i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
