just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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