Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
