I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
