I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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