God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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